Anaconda info:
Director: Tom Gormican
Writer: Tom Gormican, Kevin Etten, Hans Bauer
Starring: Jack Black, Paul Rudd, Thandiwe Newton, Steve Zahn
Intro
Hello and welcome to another week here at 1guysmindlessmoviereviews.com. As I write this, I’m stuck at home due to the heavy snow and frigid weather. It’s not even a little bit fun. Thankfully, before it got too bad, I got to catch a movie in theaters. Hopefully, those of you who were in the path of the snow are staying safe and warm. Use this time to spend with family, catch up on some reading, or, of course, watch a movie or two like me.
This week, I’m actually going to go back to last year, which often happens around this time of the year. It’s the December 25th, 2025, release of “Anaconda”. Not sure what you would call it. Technically, it’s a sequel, I guess, since it takes place in the same world as the original “Anaconda” back in 1997. But before I slither too far down this path. Let me put my spoiler warning out there. If you have yet to see this, then I would go back to my homepage and check out my other offerings. Later, you can come back here and check this out, too.
Anaconda recap
Alright, the newest version of “Anaconda” was both directed and written by Tom Gormican. Even though it has a great cast, it falls short in many ways. This is definitely one of those times when the trailer gives away too much. What it didn’t give away was squandered or cast aside. The Jennifer Lopez cameo at the end was a surprise to me, though, so that was fun. Maybe I just went into this expecting too much.
Doug McCallister (Black) and Ronald Griffin, known as Griff (Rudd), are childhood friends who reunite on Doug’s birthday. Along with their old friends Kenny Trent (Zahn) and Claire Simons (Newton), they gather in their hometown to celebrate. Being back together again makes them realize that they miss the old days, so they regroup to reboot the “Anaconda” franchise… after Griff tells them that he bought the rights to it.
Sometimes getting too meta can ruin a story, but I liked what they did here. Their going to the Amazon to film the movie wasn’t too far off from what the original “Anaconda” did with the group filming a nature documentary of some sort. So, it definitely has a similar vibe going into it. As the small crew tries to pull together resources, they settle on making a cheaper movie, but they have to hire a snake handler and a boat driver.
The snake handler, Santiago (Selton Mello), had some of the best scenes in the movie. He is the most serious character in the group and yet somehow makes me smile almost as much as everyone else. The only other major character in “Anaconda” is Ana (Daniela Melchior). Her only real reason for being in the film was to bring our group of amateur filmmakers into a world of trouble.
Things are going great for our crew until an accident causes their one and only snake to be killed. Once that happens and a real anaconda shows up and starts attacking, the movie takes its one big turn. The sudden turn from comedy to horror is a little drastic, as it also shifts the tone of the story as well. The apparent death of Doug doesn’t hold nearly the amount of weight that it should, since it was spoiled in the trailer.
I think that whole part could have potentially been the best part of “Anaconda”, but was muted by the fact that we knew what was going to happen. Jack Black being tied to a wild boar to use as bait sounds hilarious… but we had already seen it. Unfortunately, the parts we didn’t see didn’t stick the jokes as well either. A good example of this is when they need one of them to pee, as you would do with a jellyfish sting. Funny idea, but it fell flat on screen.
Overall, both my wife and I were excited to see this, and we both left disappointed. Having Rudd and Black star as the two main characters should have been great, but I think they were hampered by some bad writing. Unless they were trying to purposefully be bad to mimic what the 1997 version did. In which case, they are geniuses! Ok, not really. There were plenty of fun moments, and I got to laugh a bit. Plus, I’m always happy to see Paul Rudd on the big screen. It’s just too bad that this movie failed in so many ways. It could have been great, but instead, I only give this a 5 out of 10.
Watch or wait?
So, should you watch “Anaconda” in theaters or wait for its streaming release? Well, if you’ve read this far, then you should already know that answer. Just watch the trailer, and you pretty much know everything that happened. Then you can just wait to watch this when it comes to your subscribed streaming service.
Ok, that’s it for me this week. That means it’s your turn now. I want to know what you liked or disliked about this 2025 version of “Anaconda”. Did you enjoy the cast as I did, but felt like they fell flat in their execution? Are you on the other side of this conversation and thought it was great? Either way, let me know in the comments below, and I will be back next week with another mindless movie review of some sort.
